You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
