What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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