Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
