onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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