I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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