I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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