saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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