Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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