Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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