come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
