Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
