I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
