Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
4 words: hood of his car
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
