What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
