dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
