can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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