You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
