my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
