Don't you send me to vm
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
