if you like me you must not know who I am
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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