I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
