One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
