I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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