i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
