apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
