It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
