I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
