I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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