Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
