do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
