What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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