she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
