Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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