what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
