paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
