i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
