don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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