i will never coherently bang her
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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