i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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