Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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