i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
