I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
