I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
