Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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