I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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