Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
