Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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