I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
