i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
