It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
