i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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