Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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