she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
